Looking back

I finally got around to uploading and sharing pictures and realized there were a lot that were surprisingly familiar. The one on top is our last Christmas in NY - 2007 - and the ones on the bottom were from this year. Time flies. How did the boys get so big?


The whole motley crew.

R getting in on opening presents. I can't believe he is only 9 months old here!

And there was a time when L would sit and smile for a picture with his brother.

Hope 2008 was good and lets all hope for an even better 2009.

taking a tumble

Right before we left NY, I took both the boys to Target. I know we were in the card aisle. I think I was picking out a birthday card for B's grandmother, but it could have been pretty much anyone of the ILs (I don't do cards for family -- they know it, I think it is a waste of money). L had insisted on sitting in the seat part, so I put R in the basket. He was just above the edge and didn't really think twice about it. L has been in the basket countless times.

Well, R apparently reached for something. Did a full flip out of the cart and landed flat on his back. I heard the sickening thump as his head hit the concrete floor. Everyone else in the aisle scattered and I scooped R up and soothed him. He might have been all of a year old. He had a goose egg and I forced L out of the seat and kept R fastened in tight the rest of the time (which was seriously all of about 5 minutes because I thought I was going to puke and I just wanted out of there). I called B and bawled my eyes out. But apparently I didn't blog about it. Wonder why. I usually have no problem pointing out that I screw up just as much as the next person, even as a mom.

Well take a wild guess what happened today? Yep -- L, fought me to get in the seat and not in the basket. I relented. R was in the basket. We were searching the clearance Christmas stuff at Michaels -- looking for Christmas cookie cutters. R apparently saw some Christmas decorations that he wanted as I was looking down the aisle and next thing I knew I heard a gasp and then that sickening thump again.

This time, apparently being taller, didn't work in his favor. This time he landed face first on the floor.

He is either the toughest kid ever known to man or something slowed his fall. Or he learned to break his own fall. Yes, he ended up with a bloody nose and a very small bump on his head, but for the most part -- he was unharmed. The older woman (where the gasp came from) in the aisle though freaked the hell out, which made it worse. But in the long run she was helpful as she had tissues and I didn't and I needed something to mop up his face.

The one who had the bigger fit - L of course. Both because I walked away from him (I was in eye sight and was keeping an eye on him too) and because I then again forced him out of the seat to put R in close to me.

R is fine. Actually happy as could be this evening. Checked his eyes before nap and bed and they are dialating properly and all. I am just feeling like a bonehead. Once is a mistake. Twice is just dumbass on my part.

Although there was no crying to B this time. I am starting to learn with R, the ER and I are going to become intimately familiar with one another. Considering he likes to stand, and therefore flip off of, chairs, it is only a matter of time until he splits his head open like both his parents have -- many of times (I think my record was 2-3 times in the same week! What a joy I must have been).

This very well may be one of those Grandma's paybacks.

Merry Christmas

Ok, so I am a few days late. Things have been strange here at the Smoo household. We did Christmas morning with the boys on the 25th. My parents came to watch them open presents. It was all over and done by 930 (remember, we were going very simple this year). Had a nice big breakfast and that was Christmas.

On Christmas night we took the boys to the local ski slope and went tubing with them. That was a big hit.

Other than that, it has been blah. Which is a huge change from our normal, split Christmas between NY, PA and IL routine. While it was nice to be home for the holidays, it was also a little uneventful.

Tomorrow we will celebrate Christmas with my sister and her family. This is when the boys will be spoiled by the grandparents. That is when we will do a Christmas dinner. That is when it will feel more like Christmas.

Right now, it just feels blah.

Merry tooting Christmas

I can't remember the last time I worked on Christmas Eve. Maybe it is the Christmas spirit -- more likely it is the fact that other attorneys don't want to give up there vacation/holiday time -- but litigation proceedings tend to stall over the holidays. Today... not so much.

at 3am B got the call to head to work to deal with ice.
talked to him at 620 -- he should be home by 8
which is about an hour later then I need him here because I need to leave to drive to another office -- should take every bit of 2 hours due to the weather.
Oh and I need to hurry BACK to my own office because I need to get my assistant a Christmas present yet -- any ideas there
Maybe possibly I will be in my own office at like 4-6pm

There is a house to be cleaned. Groceries to be picked up for brunch on Christmas Day. And some final presents to be wrapped.

Oh and not to forget L still has to buy a present for R.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oh and did I mention again that the roads are a sheet of ice and bleck. Joy.

Overwhelmed

So you know that post I did. Yeah -- that half-assed post that was obviously done while sitting squarely in front of the TV. The one where I was only half aware of what my fingers were typing and it wasn't related to single other thing in life.

Ok -- so I apologize for that.

The real reason for my lack of posting and blah posts is that I am overwhelmed right now. A little overwhelmed by the fact that there is this holiday that has been fast approaching and is now less then 36 hours away. And a lot overwhelmed by the fact that work... it is killing me. Oh and of course this killing me is smack dab at the same time that B happens to be home with the boys ALL DAY LONG and smack dab over the time that I am supposed to be taking off work to be with the kids -- you know next week.

Things slowed down to a nice even pace over Thanksgiving and I got downright lazy during that time. Then I noticed I was actually a little slow. The billing year also starts on Dec. 1, so I was aware my time will now be monitored... CLOSELY and my hours will now affect my bonus and therefore my bottom line. So I asked for more.

Oh holy shit is all I have to say. I now have two PAGES of a to-do list. Many days spent out of my home office, which of course kills the billable time while I drive from place to place. I have to learn to multitask and dictate letters and pleading while driving (there is no law on that, right???) and get a handsfree thingy because that is the only time I will talk on the phone anymore -- the 2 hours of commuting.

And this isn't a short term issue. This is easily going to carry me through June 1st. As half the problem is that I have agreed to cover for another, more senior, attorney out on maternity leave -- for 6 months!

So happy freaking holidays.

Oh and guess what... the boys all of a sudden seem to like me and miss me when I am gone. Wonderful. Guilt all around here.

too much TV

I watch too much TV. I have come to my realization tonight. We DVR almost everything. Tonight B and I were watching Little People, Big World and Mike Detjen died. B and I were both bawling our eyes out.

Watching how the kids react really hit me too.

I know it is normal to emotionally react to it, especially since it is a show we always watch and are involved in, but seriously, sitting on your couch bawling isn't normal.

I know it is coming, but the first lose my kids are going to experience is more than likely going to be the loss of a great-grandparent. I don't know how L will react to it. I know he still feels the loss of our dog Sonny and still asks about him frequently.

Not ready for Christmas

B and I had just another one of the many Christmas parties we had to attend last night. Bopsie and Popsie spent the night with the kids. Now that we are past all the "must attend" things, I am realizing how seriously behind we are in our Christmas preparations.

With 5 days left here is what needs to be done:

• Menu for Christmas needs to be decided on and purchased

• Cookies need to be made

• The package going to the ILs in Illinois is still in the back of my car

• I have actually gotten the Christmas cards ordered... too bad it was just a day ago and I don't even thing they have been shipped to me.

• Wrap every last present we have

• Oh and this little thing of going to see Santa

Yeah, I am totally on top of things this year. Good thing the kids are still only on the cusp on knowing what the heck this is all about.

Oh and add another thing to the list.... find a freaking CHURCH. I want my kids to know the REAL meaning behind this holiday.

Even Steven

Growing up, my mom was pretty anal about keeping my sister and I even. Even in the number of presents she got and even in the amount she spent. There were times we would get a random pack of socks to even us out. It required lots of paperwork, double checking and stress.

The Saint and I never felt "even" though. Granted there were times when I thought I had a better Christmas then she did (the year I got my Cabbage Patch kid or my science lab kit or even the year I was given my contacts for Christmas). But there were times when I though she had it a little better.

This year, I am trying to keep my boys Christmas even -- mainly even in the number of presents they open. However, I can't even remember the things I have gotten for each of the kids (I hid them in different places. Now I come across them and "remember"). I meant to spread everything out this weekend and see where we stand. I didn't get around to doing that.

We had a rule that they only got 3 presents. I have totally blown that, but not by much. (Although I have 3 puzzles for Lane -- is that one present or 3?).

Price wise -- I don't have a clue if we are even close.

now onto 2 therapists

On Tues. night, B and I met with R's new speech therapist. It was just a formality to sign all the paperwork. While she was a little surprised that they recommended him for speech services, she totally agreed he needed the help.

On one hand it is nice that the expert agrees with mommy, but on the other hand, I really really really wanted someone to look at me and say -- he is just perfect, what could you possibly be worried about.

But this isn't some fantasy and in reality a true speech delay/potential oral fine motor delays is not a big deal compared with the alphabet soup I was given with L. Goodness knows the electric toothbrush trick has been a godsend to end the drooling and if he is in the perfect mood he will pick up a word or two when you try to get him to repeat what you say.

(This weekend he said Gators while doing the Gator Chomp)

So now our count is up to two therapists. Same as L had. I hope in a year I call roll my eyes and just wish R would just stop talking already

Silent morning

I emailed N yesterday and asked her if she had a secret in getting L to stay in bed past 630am. She didn't, but apparently my talking about it has triggered something.

L has been potty trained for more than 6 months. For more than 2 months, he hasn't needed a pull up during his afternoon nap. However, we still have a hit or miss on being dry in the morning, but it seems like when he gets up at 630 in the morning to go potty he is dry.

Today he slept until 720. I thought for sure I would have a mess to clean up.

Nope -- totally dry. Although he insists that there were two drops of pee in his pull up. I guess he would know. Had the whole thing been on video, it would have been hilarious. Me in my robe, towel on my head, running through the house, carrying L, while he grabs his penis trying to hold his pee.

At some point here I need to put him to bed in just his underwear and see how he does. But it really seems to be my hang up and not his.

I just wish I knew what happened last night or this morning which got him to sleep until 720 so I could repeat it.

The birds, part 3

Remember back when I had an issue with birds. You know here and here?

Guess what -- the birds are back. This time it seems as though a bird has come to think of our house as the safe haven. You see our front door does provide some cover from the howling winds and snow flurries that we have this morning seems to be inviting to an injured bird. I stuck my head our of our front door in the hopes that the unlocking and opening of the door would cause it to fly away.

It is still there.

It also is leaking various fluids out of its body and is missing half of its feathers on its back. I am just going out on a limb here and assuming it had a run in with the cat next door.

It is one lucky bird (I know -- I doubt it feels very lucky). Little does it know that Spookie has already destroyed that cat during the one time it came to our house and Spookie was outside. It took days to get all the clumps of orange hair out of Spookies claws.

Poor bird also probably has no idea that just on the other side of the door that it is so comfortably hiding against is the king of the bird killers.

Add that to my list of reasons why NOT to put a doggie door in at this house. I forgot how many times I had birds and bird feathers in my house last spring.

Seeing O

Last night I had my class. I don't know how much I have talked about this class before, but the quick and dirty on it is that it is a group of 40 of us that meet bi weekly and talk with non-profits in the community about board openings. It is suppose to make us better leaders in the community. It is a fun group of people and I love the non-mommy/non-work time.

My class last night though was our volunteer ideas/class project time. Many of us had thought of ideas. I had sort of stolen one from W because I thought it was a great idea and sounded pretty easy to execute. It was Jeans for Gene Awareness on March 20. It should have been on 3/21 which is National Down Syndrome day, but since that is a Saturday, it doesn't work for the purposes we needed. My idea made the first cut, but not the second. So if I want it to happen, I will have to do it on my own.

Anyways, I keep getting off the point of this post. I ended up talking about O a lot last night didn't hurt that I got a text telling me O had bronchitis last night during class too). O is W's youngest daughter. When O was born it was a total shock to W and everyone around her that O has Down Syndrome. W went through all the screenings and everything came back clear. But that sucker punch to me was just that -- a shock and sucker punch, but not a knock you on your ass blow like it was for W and her family. I felt sad for W and her family that their dreams of a "perfect" family had evaporated overnight. Felt bad for the extra work they would have to deal with. Felt bad that she was dealing with any and all of it. I also worried that I would lose one of my best friends because we wouldn't have anything in common.

In retrospect, I was a total freaking idiot.

O -- she has always been and continues to be one of the cutest kids I have ever seen. Every picture of her that I can remember over the last 6 months to year shows this giant smile. R is smiley, but nothing like O. She is a doll and just so much fun (down to the open mouth kisses she gives). I love watching the boys and her sister play with her. They aren't always gentle, but they are not judgmental in the least and it warms to heart. I hope and pray that my kids will forever carry with them that different isn't wrong, just different.

Then as I was bragging about how well O is doing hitting all typical milestones and is just the light of everyones lives someone asked me a question that surprised me. It was asked "does she look like she has down syndrome?" (let me just note -- the question wasn't meant to be mean, I think the person was thinking that I was either wearing rose colored glasses or maybe O just had a "touch" of Down Syndrome or something - whatever the hell that means). I thought about it for a second and then responded... I have no idea. That is the truth. To me O looks like her dad and her sister -- sorry W -- maybe she will be like E and start to look more like you as she grows up. There are times when W will send me an old picture of E and my first thought is that it is O. I don't look at her and see anything but O -- a sweet, adorable little girl that you can't help but want to hold and hug and who can make you giggle in seconds with her antics.

And for that, I have to thank her. She taught me that different is just different, no more or less. I hope I can continue to carry that with me for the rest of my life too.

Super Why

"L, please let Dixie out to go potty."
"WHY?"

L, do you want milk or juice for breakfast?
WHY?

L, the toaster will ding when breakfast is ready.
WHY?

L, put the wipes back in the green potty.
WHY?

Mommy needs to go dry her hair.
WHY

Can you play while mommy gets dressed?
WHY?

Do you see where this is going? Every last freaking statement, question, comment is met with a why. Sometimes it is said with the most whiney drawl to it which really means -- I don't wanna. Then we have the true why said out of curiosity. B and I are counting our lucky stars that it hasn't turned into "... but why" but who are we kidding. That is right around the corner too.

Now, if only we could get R to say pretty much anything unprompted we would be headed in the right direction.

Thanksgiving revisited

Here are two of my nieces decorating what would become one of the tablecloths (the one for the kids table). All 5 kids helped out. It was adorable.


B, L and my 3 nieces hamming it up while I cooked. It was amazing how well entertained L was just by the mere presence of the girls. R was still napping.


Now R is up and giving his mommy some love.


Here is one of the few pictures of me cooking. My mom is trying to entertain R -- who was desperate for mommy's attention when he wasn't playing with his cousins or brother.


Here is the spread. Yep -- I CAN cook. When I want to of course, which isn't often.

And here is the whole family. I can't believe I got everyone to look at the same time on the first shot.

What has become

of me?

Ok. I love sleep. I am not a morning person. Heck, I am not really a night person either. I am a nap person. I like my sleep. A lot.

So, why the hell am I awake at 3:33 AM the morning after Thanksgiving (which, thank you very much was totally hitch-less and actually came out awesome. I will have pictures to share soon). Oh that is right -- another cockamamie idea my sister and I came up with that involves getting up too damn early the morning after we stayed up late.

See the Saint -- she did L's birthday party cake last night. Great right. Sure. Crawled in bed at 11.

My day -- black friday shopping, 9 am pedi appointments (with shots) for BOTH boys, home, lunch, nap, WAKE THE KIDS UP EARLY, L's birthday party and whamo a fundraiser tonight for a Navy Seal I was good friends with and who died.

So, no sleep last night. None projected for tonight. Next to no sleep on Monday night due to L being sick, etc. I seriously want to know where all my sleep went.

Goble, goble

Yesterday, my house looked a lot like the Michael Phelps commercial where he is chopping veggies and food is flying everywhere. Everything that can be chopped and prepped is ready to go. My house is like the set of the Food Network with all the spices and such in little bowls, pre-measured and just ready to be dumped.

Ok, so it isn't that crazy, but it is close.

We host Thanksgiving every year. Usually my sister and I do the prep work on Wed. This year she didn't come up until late Wed night. So I got to do all the prep myself.

This dinner has become quite possessive of me now. I actually think I may be able to pull off the whole thing with little to no help.

Wish me luck. I will let you know in a few hours if I lost my mind during the attempt or if it came off without a hitch.

Three

Three is an important number here today.

Three is the number of loads of laundry I did last night after L started throwing up.

Three is the number of hours of sleep I got -- I think, although talking to B is sounds like it was closer to 2.

Three is the number of days L has until his party

And three -- that is the number of years he is today. Three. What a way to celebrate your birthday -- with a tummy bug.

Happy birthday baby boy. How did you end up so old? Get better soon. Although you are already torturing your mom, so maybe you are well on the way to recovery.

Oh... gross

So, I guess three is the age of more gross things to happen with L.

I am used to the runny noses, the dirty/smelly behinds, the vomiting. Those are the things I was expecting when I started this venture into motherhood.

What I was hoping to avoid was the eating of boogers.

It happened this morning. After a few minutes of trying to explain to him why it was gross and he should do it, he still continued to insist that he must eat his boogers. I don't know what I am going to do to stop that.

And yes, I handle poop on a daily basis - dumping and swishing cloth diapers. I wash the cloth diapers here at the house. And no, that doesn't even come close to the grossness that eating boogers is.

L and his pee pee

L informed me this morning that he needs to go to the doctor.

I asked him why? He then told me that the doctor needs to take off his mole.

Ok -- he has a mole on his groin. Right on what a woman would call her bikini line. It isn't raised or anything, just a black dot. He has known about his mole and feels free to tell others about it.

So I tried to convince him that he didn't need it removed and that the doctor would have to use a knife and cut and it would be ouchies.

To which he responded "Mole hurt my pee pee. No doctor cut off my pee pee"

I thought it was hilarious. First that he thinks the mole will hurt his penis, and that he is already horrified about losing his penis at the age of THREE! So I had to call B and made L repeat the whole story to his father. Apparently, L has already told B this story. Last night in fact.

Now, in retrospect, I am a little concerned. First of all -- who is giving my child the idea that the mole needs to go. As I said he has known about his mole for the better part of a year now and never been concerned about it. And second - who has seen the mole to give him that idea. Granted, to the uninitiated it looks a lot like poop is stuck on his groin, but no one new should be helping him with the potty. In fact there is next to no need to help L with the potty at all. I mean down to wiping, he is totally independent in that area at home.

So, do I continue to find this hilarious or do I get more concerned?

The big sigh

The kids -- they are driving me bonkers! I don't know why. Loud. They are very very loud.

They like to scream like banshees. And race in circles chasing each other.

And fight -- over everything. We got R a new set of tractors (because he has practically no new toys himself) and L has decided that every last one belongs to him.

Then tonight it was wonderful. We came home, I made dinner, we played and then we sat down to eat.

All was wonderful. Until B got home.

And then the beast was on the loose.

How is it that they both favor their dad and yet he is the reason they are driving me bonkers.

Generations

My grandparents are 91 and 87. My grandfather just knew he would die before he was 90 as his mom died just before she turned 90. My grandmother already thinks she has lived too long. It is really kind of sad, but she has had terrible arthritis for my entire life and her hands and feet are literally malformed now. I joke and say she is going to outlive us just so she can complain that we all left her.

In the meantime, I am so happy that my kids know their Mam and Pap and thoroughly enjoy their time with them.

Chores

I had a women's lunch yesterday. At our table was a woman who is due Dec. 3. My due date with L was Dec. 4. I laughed about the fact that I am sure she is so done and ready to have this baby. She is.

Also at the table was the head of the local Jewish Community Center where apparently they have one of the best preschools/daycares. Our conversation quickly turned to the things picked up in a daycare/preschool setting that kids just don't seem to get at home (note -- this is not a stay at home vs. working mom thing. I would suck at the former. I know I would. Kids like school better then being home with me. I agree with them.).

L and R amaze me these days. The things they do -- cleaning up their toys, washing their hands unasked before and after meals and helping each other -- weren't taught to them here.

L on the other hand has been given more and more chores to do on a daily basis. First it started as a - hmm, I wonder if he can do it - and has developed into "his jobs". In the morning he helps pick out breakfast if he is awake, he makes his bed, he clears the dishes off the table and he has to dress himself.

In the evening, he also has to clear the dishes off the table, dump them in the garbage and put the plates in the sink. He also helps with making dinner and if B hasn't made coffee in the morning, he helps with that too.

On the weekend he vacuums his room. He probably would do the entire house if I let him, but since it takes him more than 30 minutes to anally do his own room (it is like 10x10 - not big!) I don't think we have 4 hours for him to do the rest of the house. He has picked up some of his grandmother's OCD tenancies.

Is it mean that my almost 3 year old has a list of chores he is "supposed" to do? Maybe, but checking in with my mom, I had a similar list at 3 so I don't think I am doing any permanent damage. Yet.

Now -- how old do you think he needs to be before he becomes responsible for cleaning up the dog poop in the back yard. I have a few years there, no?

Busy busy weekend

It was a busy weekend in the Smoo household. First, of course we had swimming lessons on Saturday morning. B had to be absent (don't ask why -- seriously, a rant will likely be forthcoming if you do...). So I had swimming lessons at 11 and 1130 with 2 different kids. Somehow I got R out of his swimsuit, into the babysitting room and L into his swim suit and out on the deck in 3 minutes. One would think that I had some experience here.

Anyways, aside from that and the normal 7000 loads of laundry (really, there are 4 of us here... how do we have so much laundry a week??), the normal yard work, etc, here is what else we did.

On Saturday, I crocheted 2 hats. I did a third on Sunday. Here is what I have done so far. (to be honest - the large one I did last week. The other one that I completed this weekend is a present to someone who reads this, so it can't be shown here yet. All have the tassels on them now too).

B and I had to install a new garage door as the motor exploded on our old one last weekend. Luckily this only took us about 3 hours and L was able to help during the last hour while R finished up his nap.

I handled the wiring of the opener while B did the sensors at the bottom to keep it from coming down on one of the boys. (trust me, sounds more impressive then it really is).


We worked on our bicycle riding skills. I think we have a 2 wheeler mastered. There isn't a chance he is going to even be trying without the training wheels until he have him in a helmet though. I though I had gotten one. Have no idea where I put it though.


R's closet finally got the overhaul it has desperately needed. All those clothing just thrown in there -- yeah, stuff he has outgrown in the 4 short months that we have lived in this house. Before:

And After:

It was such a long busy weekend on by all parties (the boys helped B move a pile of gravel while I ran errands that I have let build up for a month, got stuff for L's birthday party, etc.).

R even crashed at the table while eating lunch. Poor guy. Luckily his big brother is always on the look out for him and let us know right away (yeah, we are rock star parents and weren't watching).



Now - where is my weekend to recover?

Better late

I just realized I never posted pictures of the boys and I carving pumpkins. B took the pictures, so... um, yeah.

Age 3 -- so much better then I thought

I have been referring to L as 3 for a few months now. Lets be realistic... he isn't three yet. He will be in 19 days, but at some point 33 months just sounds like 3.

Regardless, I think I like 3. L is much much easier to deal with then the temper tantruming 20 month old R.

Granted, I don't know if I like 3 or I like L's 3. L's 3 means that he talks to me. Tells me all about his day. These great, grandiose stories about how the world centers around him. My conversation with him this morning was priceless.

I was trying to explain to L that we had a new President and his name was Obama. We worked on saying Obama. I asked him if he knew what the President was. He shook his head no. So I went on to explain that the President is in charge of the country like Ms. Nancy is in charge of his school.

Then I asked him if he knew who the President is now. He said yes. I said who. L turned to me with a giant smile and said ME!

I could only respond with a laugh and the acknowledgment that I too wouldn't want to admit that Bush is the current President either.

Oh and guess who has a big boy bike now? Yeah, it took him all about about 3 seconds to figure it out. Grandpa was very impressed and thrilled his birthday present to L was such a hit.

Oh my God, you have got to be kidding

So, for the last 2 years people have talked politics on a mommy's board I am a member.

It took the actual election for the shit to hit the fan. I am so done with this tip toeing around people because they can't articulate an opinion. Someone actually said that as a response -- well they just dont' know how to voice their opinion. I guess that along with making a good living and being able to support my family is MY fault.

It isn't the debate that made my heart race and my anger shoot through the roof.

It was the finger wagging -- "you shameful people are just looking out for yourself" -- from the same bitch that send me a message and told me L deserved a learning disability because I am his mother.

I thought I could look past it, but hell no. How dare someone like that act as the morality police.

Although, yet again, it shows the low lives that supported Obama and makes me wonder how bad it can really get from here.

Katie -- PLEASE let this president be the person YOU see and not the man I see.

BTW -- I came on here to post 3 -- way more fun then expected and talk about how much fun L is these days. Funny how quickly my happy/lovey mood changed.

yeah -- no more politics

well, after this one...

We are tired of capitalism. Socialism and Marxism are the future, and the future is here. Let those who want to work support the rest of us

Yet another wonderful quip from Newsvine on MSN news.

The sad state of affairs is that in few hours our country will take a leap to where... socialism? spreading the wealth? mainly, just screwing over the middle class yet again. The idea of Universal Health Care for all -- regardless if they want it. A MSN study showed that 23% of American without health care are offered it through their employer. That means 23% DO NOT WANT IT. One person was bitching about the $1170 it would cost her annually to have health insurance. Funny -- no one thinks twice before spending that on car insurance, but you are certainly more likely to get sick then you are to be in an auto accident. God we are populated with some seriously dumb ass people.

So, instead of facing the facts that people are making these choices for whatever reason they are, government is going to be big brother and step in and fix it all. You poor stupid citizens that have no idea, here just let big government do it all for you. *snort*

I sincerely hope that both Obama and/or McCain prove me wrong. I think they are both terrible. We seriously are in a sad state of affairs when that is the choices we have. I chose to vote AGAINST a candidate for the first time in my life.

I am sure this isn't the first time it is going to happen in my life time, but I know I am going to be rolling my eyes and laughing at the stupidity of the American public in about a year when one of 2 things is going to happen 1) Obama doesn't implement a single plan he campaigned on other than raising taxes and 2) the economy is even deeper in the shitter because the employers that have been planning layoffs if Obama is elected go through with them rather then die a slow death due to over taxation.

There is no silver lining to this nightmare.

Happy Halloween

wakie wakie

L now thinks it is a good thing to get up at 615 to 630 in the mornings. And no he doesn't want to go back to sleep you crazy woman you... he wants to lay in bed and yammer on about his day. Especially since I was at a meeting last night and didn't see him after school.

Now, less then 30 minutes later, I have no idea what he told me. Something about school and more then likely something about JJ -- his best friend/nemisis. But then again it might have been something about R peeing in the bathtub and them needing showers because of it. For some reason that sounds right. What a weird ass dream to have had if that isn't what he told me.

You see, I am what one could call opposed to mornings. I do not like waking up, getting out of bed, getting a shower, etc. This used to carry on while I commuted to work (it was a train, I could safely sleep) and then I would slowly wake myself out of my haze at about 10am. You know, 3 hours after the alarm went off.

Now, not so much. In 10 minutes I have to have breakfast on the table for the kids. They both wake up at full steam and start racing around the house. Then while they eat I need to get their clothing out and get an idea of what I am going to wear. After that, clean up, struggle to dress the two of them while they try to play and laugh at my attempt to just hold them down. The mornings L feels like getting himself dressed are wonderful. I look forward to more of them.

But losing that hour of wake up time from when the alarm goes off until the boys are supposed to start waking up. That is hellish on me.

In L's terms -- me no like.

AAAAHHHHHH

Ok -- I am getting a little overworked here. Racing from one thing to another is fine, however taking 10 times longer to do it isn't.

Oh and this morning, in my brain dead stupor I deleted an hour worth of changes I had made to a document. Yeah, it is pretty easy to see why things are taking me 10 times longer then I expect.

So, then we throw on a few new meetings, another trip to another office to meet another partner who wants to drop another "case or two" on my lap.

Granted, if I had no work I would be bored and scared to death for my job, but seriously.... too much still is too much no matter how thankful I am for job security.

So excuse the short entries... I am just posting to survive here right now -- 2 more days and I will have made 30 of the 31 I was going for.

again with the sleep

R did it again last night. Although it was less about playing and more about being held. At about 1230 he started crying. By 1250 he was in full freak out mode. I planned on checking on him and then letting him cry it out. But alas, the father-in-law was still visiting and was planning on getting up early in morning to drive back to the midwest.

So, I was up with him. B refused to even budge from bed. I was pretty livid. He then explained that he had had it wit the kids being home with them all day yesterday while they were in rare form. Now at least I understand why, although I am still not thrilled with it. I wonder if I ever get to use that excuse? Unlikely.

Then after several trips back and forth to R's room, I finally got him up, and we sat on the lazy boy in the living room. R was out in about 30 seconds. And proceeded to drool all over my shirt (I mean the kid soaked the one side!). Regardless, I didn't care. He was quiet and I was one step closer to being back in bed.

After assuring he was really asleep and getting him back in bed, I crawled back in bed at 147am. Seriously -- this is worse then when the kids were newborns. At least then they would eat for 20 minutes and be right back to sleep.

Anyways, I am still at a loss for what is going on with R. Hopefully we move past this quickly. I don't like nights of broken sleep and I certainly don't want this turning into a habit.

Any advice?

And finally -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY A!! T, how did we end up with 3 year olds so quickly?

Pickin' Pumpkins

You sick of seeing my kids yet? Never, right?

We finally got to the pumpkin patch. The boys each picked their own little ones and B was his normal pumpkin snob, so he got the final say on the 3 big ones. They have yet to be carved, but seeing the not so good boys I have this evening, it doesn't look favorable that it will be done tonight.

I am sure you will see pictures of the carved pumpkins and the boys in their costumes. More pictures of the boys to look forward to, huh?

saturday mornings

This is how we spend out Saturday mornings. Think I have 2 water babies.

a step back

After a month of being completely potty trained, L pooped in his pull up last night.

I am not pleased.

And to say he just didn't care at all is an understatement. I think that made me even more annoyed about the whole thing.

I hate PTing. Although I hate changing diapers way more.

Again -- why would I ever want a 3rd?

No pumpkin

B worked on a pumpkin farm for 13 years. Before we had L, he insisted that he would forever hate Halloween. Luckily, he has gotten better over the last three years. The first year, he took pictures of L - who was about 11 months - and I took him to the surrounding houses. We were all getting over the stomach flu so we kept it really low key.

It was better than the year before. On Halloween 2005 I was certain my water had broken. I was 35 weeks pregnant. It hadn't (eww) and I found out how common it was to make that mistake. I didn't do it again. So I was a grump (certain I was having a baby THAT day to nothing and being told to take it easy again). So at about 8 I turned on the porch light, put a bowl of candy out and went to bed.

Last year was great though. L and B stayed out for a good 2.5 hours. We went trick or treating with our neighbors in NY and R lasted just over an hour.

This year, we are all sorts of behind. We have costumes (thank goodness since our first Halloween party is tonight). We have yet to get a pumpkin. We haven't done anything fall related. Nothing.

Shoot -- even in our many trips to the market, we have only picked up one container of apple cider (which we promptly forgot in the fridge and it swelled and -- well it was dumped).

Hopefully this weekend includes a trip to a farm and to get a pumpkin. But since it is supposed to rain all weekend, I am not holding his breath.

Now for the big boy

B and I have been trying to convince L to get out of bed in the morning and come get us to go to the potty.

I mean we have been telling him since we moved here. The hallway between our room and his is lit up so he isn't scared to come to us. He just wouldn't do it. He would instead yell for us. Usually it is for me because I am the one here monday through friday with him.

This morning I was drying my hair when all of a sudden I hear him walk in. He actually got out of bed, no yelling and came to get me and then went potty right away.

For you non-mom's (hey Katie) you have no idea what this means. It means on Saturday mornings he can come to us, we can stay in bed and he can watch a bit of TV while we laze around. Did you get that... I may have a lazy morning again in my life.

Although, add this to my -- why again am I even considering a 3rd because we are finally moving ahead in our lives. Mama needs to make a decision on that one.

Big boy room -- version 1

Finally -- pictures are uploaded...

The room

And this is what the boys think of the change

Better or worse

This was an actual email I sent. It sums it up better then re-writing it.

No -- I am at work. Although I am not starting to think that staying home might have been easier. My day so far -- got in at who knows what time, next thing I know it is 11, have a meeting. Run out of the meeting, drive across town to meet my LY group, pick out what we are doing for "our dinner" (long story - stupid story too). Took everything out to the car. Back in to get the personal stuff I need (pull ups and wipes) and to grab some grapes for R (the one thing that kid will eat, so of course B had to finish them last night -- *removing not so nice name for the hubby*). Drive home -- unload car. Tell B to not even think about touching the lasagna in the freezer. By this time it is 130 and I am starving. No breakfast for me this morning. So I run to McDs (which was dumb, should have just grabbed something at home and saved the money). In the car I check my blackberry. Shoot Boss an email that I will be back in 10 minutes for the conference call we are supposed to have (the one mind you scheduled around MY day!). Then proceed to sit at the window at the drive thru for 12 minutes because they didn't have fries. They tell me to move up. Wait on 4 people behind me. Bring me my food -- no drink, mind you -- then EIGHT minutes later, I am in McD screaming at a deaf manager and trying to sign that 8 minutes for a coke is CRAZY. Get back to the office, throw food in my office, run into the conference call. Now I have a cold bag of food that is nasty (ate some fries while i was waiting, they were pretty cold for them being "fresh" mind you) and I now have an entire file to review before I go to capital tomorrow for a document review.

Dear God... what did I do to piss off the world?

Are you laughing yet? Because I kind of am. You would think I was making this crap up.

*yawn*

I want to know who stole R? Somehow, the child that I never ever complained about and thought was the easiest of the 2, yeah... he has become the freaking DEVIL.

Ok - so he is sort of a cute devil, but still.

And before anyone attempt to defend him -- he was up from midnight until 230 just for shits and giggles. Almost literally -- lots of giggles, no shits. He literally just wanted to play.

I tried sitting with him in the living room. That was until he tried to wriggle out of my arms to go play with the cat. Didn't work. So off to his room, where he screamed like he was being dismembered. Then off to our room, where he just played on our bed for almost 2 hours. He would lay down, but it wouldn't last for more then 5 minutes or so.

Finally he went back to his own room. Again there was the screaming, but since I know he is just fine, he got to scream for a bit. I think either I flat out passed out at 3... or he stopped.

Of course L -- you know that one that has the new bed, new room, new everything and every reason to be scared of his room. Oh yeah, that one slept like a log! I am starting to like 3. 18 months isn't so good.

BTW - there are no pictures. Smoo is too tired for that today.

Oops

So it looks like I have fallen off the 31 for 21 wagon. Saturdays are always the hardest for me.

L is currently asleep in his big boy bed. He always transitions so well.

Pictures to follow.

Oh and we had a babysitter last night. Total waste of babysitter because the party we went to was awful. The guy who the party was for was great, but I knew him and that was it. Even his wife was a new person to me. And her and her friends -- not very social. And it was frigid and that party was outside. Easy way to piss me off is to make me cold. I was very, very cold.

Guess my grumpy mood hasn't lifted yet.

The day I started bribing

Ok, I know the title is misleading. I can't imagine that I haven't bribed the boys before with something to either get them to behave in public or do something I wanted. I know when L started school, my mom bribed him with a trip to the pool if he wouldn't cry at drop off and behaved in the evening when we first moved to PA.

Last night though is the first time I bribed him and realized it as a bribe.

I offered him pudding if we could skip working on his letters last night.

Yes, I realize that is probably the most ass-end backwards bribe there ever was. A child that I am struggling to get to age appropriate levels WANTS to play with his letters and work on them and lo and behold I convince him not to. Its just those letters take forever to do and makes me a little nuts (and I looked for a picture of them -- Parents brand magnetic school house. I got it at Target).

Too bad L loves them and it actually VERY good at them.

I promise I will work on them tonight with him. But last night -- vanilla pudding sounded so much more appealing.

Diaper talk

So I am starting to run into my first issue with cloth diapering.

R has gotten bigger. How dare he, huh?

His adorable little fuzzi bunz butt now involves plumber crack and while it is much cuter on him then it is on B, I am still not loving it. Luckily, that means that I get to embark on yet another adventure of buying new diapers.

I got 3 new ones yesterday because I had a pay pal account balance from selling stuff before. I am also a day away from sending all my Bum Genius diapers (BGs) back for new elastic so that will drop me down to 11 diapers. R goes through at least 5-6 a day. And that is only if we keep him in sposies overnight. I am going to have to do diaper wash every other day until they return if these 3 don't arrive quickly.

And that is the other thing. I knew it was coming. BG had a major problem with their elastic and I haven't met anyone who hasn't had the elastic fail on them. But they are a wonderful company and the diapers are still under warranty (yeah, there are warranties on diapers, especially for things like this -- for stains... not so much). Luckily my BG are just shy of their one year mark, so back they go.

And lets hope for a quick return.

But -- is there anyone that I am missing and just need to try. I need PUL pockets for those in the know -- Mothers Touch, BGs, FBs are my stash -- for school. What new hot thing haven't I heard about?

Fabulous news

We had the boys open house/parent-teacher conferences last night. B and I got to meet the head teacher that L will have in just a few days. Her name is Olivia and both B and I thought she was someone different then she was.

B thought she was the old (and he thinks mean) woman who helps with the closing of the center ever night. I never got that from her. She is just not very outgoing.

I thought she was the young snarky one that seems to have a short temper. You know -- the one that is probably the most like me. But come on -- I admit that I would be a terrible teacher and a not very good stay at home mom either. I didn't go into the profession to take my anger out on some kids. I beat up on other adults.

Regardless, we were both totally wrong. I always knew who Olivia was. I even knew her name was Olivia. However, I thought Olivia was the assistant director, not a head teacher so I thought there was more than one Olivia. There isn't. I am just an idiot who is terrible with names. L will be in great hands.

However, that isn't even the news that I wanted to share. The school made an announcement. Starting January 5th of 2009 they will also be doing INFANT care! OMG -- I truly don't have words for how excited I am. They only mentioned it because they are looking for donations from those of us who are done having kids. While I am not done -- or at least we don't know -- I am overjoyed to know I won't have a double drop off if we decide to have another.

Now to go through the stuff I was going to donate or get rid of (that I found useless) and give to the school. The Saint -- if you come across anything, let me know.

The ABC song

L has learned his ABC. Well, he has learned the song. Although with Ring around the Rosie -- which is hilarious to listen to him sing. And apparently Humpty Dumpty because we sign it 5,000 times a swimming lesson and at the end he gets to jump in the water.

However, the ABC song just about had Brett and I in tears over the weekend. You see he does great from A to H. Sometimes we get I in there too. Then he does this like blah blah blah blah blah thing (which sounds more like a gobble then anything)in the middle and starts up again screaming O, P, Q…

He is doing better with actually identifying his letters.

Oh and the school is in the process of moving him to the big boy rooms. For the 3-5/6 year olds. Pre-kindergarten rather then pre-school. I guess he now knows pretty much everything there is to know in the preschool room and he is the little master of that domain.

Apparently no one can even come close to picking on R without his big brother jumping in to defend him. Wow -- does that sound familiar. The Saint used to do that all the time for me.

Lets hope they both continue to do well as L transitions to the new room.

Halloween

The Halloween costumes have finally been set!

I had a brilliant idea that I was going to make the boys costumes this year. L would be Percy and R would be Thomas. We are currently big fans of both Thomas and Bob the Builder (although I don’t know if it is actually Bob the Builder or just the ONE episode that seems to have Moo Cow in the beginning of it because they only watch until they see Moo Cow!).

I searched the internet and found a costume idea. The point was the make it out of an apron. Adorable idea. Was supposed to cost $10 per costume.

Then I bought the stuff. $37 later I was beginning to think that ordering $20 a piece professional Thomas costumes would have been much better.

Then I went to the local Kid to Kid store. Sort of a consignment-y place. I hate nothing more than spending $20 on a costume my kids will wear for 3 seconds.

So R is going to be a cow. I picked it up for $6 at the consignment shop. And OMG does he look adorable in it. His love for cows though better last because he isn’t so pleased about the cow head hood.

L -- he is going to be a golfer again. Turns out he still fits into the costume he wore last year and asked to carry his “lollipops” again (the stuffed golf clubs). As Mama is being cheap at this point, spending zero sounded dang appealing.

Big boy bed

We finally got L his big boy bed.

When L tried it out we knew it was the one. Then he got to lay on a few mattresses and we let him pick which one he wanted. He was a smart boy and picked the one smack in the middle price wise.


The only problem we ran into was when we had to actually order it and will be able to pick it up on Saturday the 18th. L was devastated to not be able to bring it home with us - although I don't know if we could have fit everything in car with the boys and their car seats.


I hope he is as happy with it when it gets home. And now I have 5 days to get his room painted before the new bed arrives.

the Gala

Ok -- I was working on my speech until the very second I had to start getting ready -- and then I was still a half an hour late.

Short entry, but speech went off so well. I can still pull off public speeching without a hitch. We had a lot of fun and bought plane tickets too....

Long story.

the speech

Ok -- so I promised to come back to Katie's question about the speech.

I mentioned it briefly during the 2008 Olympics and watching Michael Phelps rewrite history, but as many of you that follow my blog know, I was in the Olympics a lifetime ago. And, no, I have no desire to follow in Dara Torres' amazing footsteps and attempt a comeback after having children. I can't tell you how much I have NO desire to jump in a pool first thing in the morning anymore.

Oh and I was a distance swimmer, so none of those sprint workouts for me. We would be talking miles in the pool on a daily basis. BLECK. No thanks.

Regardless, when I made the Olympic team I was swimming for a team in a bigger east coast city, but I lived in a VERY small town. The entire county was close to 50,000 people and although it has grown, it isn't much over 75,000 to this day. I moved back to this town. To say I am still known in this town is an understatement.

Within a week of me returning, I was front page Saturday morning news. Yes, you read that correctly -- front page, main news, my return. Don't think I get a big head about it because I find it flat out hilarious. Although I will say my self-esteem isn't taking a beating like it did in NYC where everyone was prettier, better dressed, richer (or at least seemed to be so) and seemingly smarter.

So - why the speech - well there is a new aquatic center opening here, so it only made sense that I be the headliner, right? You know, because I have tons of speaking experience and it has been more than a decade since I was in the Games. But I think the fact that the head coach used to coach my old club team and the assistant coach is the son of one of the founding partners of my firm has something to do with it. And I will point out that this whole "speech" started out as a request to "say a few words about your Olympic experience". It was only after I got the invitations that I knew that I was THE speaker!

After getting a new dress (losing almost 20 lbs since the last blacktie event made my only other formal dress a total no go) and shoes, securing a babysitter and having everything else ready to go, I still continue to stare at a blank word document titled -- GAC Speech. Yeah, it is tomorrow. Guess what I will be up doing tonight?

Anyone have any idea how hard it is to write a speech when 90% of your natural humor is sarcastic? Not to mention there are people that of course I need to mention, among them, my firm since I will be seated next to that founding partner.

*sigh*

The results are....

I passed! Passed... OMG I am still in shock almost 24 hours later. I don't know if it was more recent, revisionist history, but I was pretty sure I didn't even put my name on the second half of the exam, so I was thinking that was 100 points right off the top.

But alas, I passed and after finding out the news my day went on a lot like usual.

Until my old firm called to congratulate me. You don't realize how much you miss a group of people until you hear their voices. Do I miss everyone -- no, co-irker hasn't become less annoying with distance -- but I do miss most of them. I mentioned to my current boss yesterday that I am going to look for a class that would give me CLE (continuing legal education) credit in both NY and PA. Maybe that will be my way to keep in touch with everyone in NY. Goodness knows they were all for it.

Today, I am sure life is going to return to usual, assignments will continue to pile up for me and I will still work to dig my way out. In the meantime I have two very sticky children to get ready for school. R wanted a syrup facial apparently.

ticking time bomb

I planned to respond to Katie's comment about being a local celebrity.

That was the plan.

Then I got up this morning and checked my blackberry -- which always is the first thing I do in the morning, well, after letting the dogs out. And there is was. The email that I knew I was going to get this week, just didn't know when.

Last Friday I got an email telling me PA bar exam results would be posted on this Friday. History has told me though that they get them done early every year and move up the release date.

The release date is now today. Within the next 10 hours I will know if I can really do it all -- work full time, have the boys alone, with me at my parents house, move and study for the bar exam. 10 hours -- that is how long I admitted I was in labor with Reed -- or at least how long the contractions got bad enough that I had to concentrate on them. That isn't too bad, right.

Some how I think the waiting today will be worse then labor. There is no baby on the other side of these 10 hours. Just more work - one way or another.

6 months

That is the delay, but no diagnosis which puts R on the Autism Spectrum. I was a little surprised to hear his speech is 6 months delayed because I was going back and forth on whether to refer him or not, but I guess that is the point I attempt to always make to other moms.... if you have any question -- get your kid evaluated.

A friend asked -- how are you REALLY doing with the news, since I tend to internalize it -- the answer was that I was actually more focused on a screw up at work then I was on the diagnosis, so I guess I really am doing ok with it.

R may be a typical second child. R may be a typical slow to talk boy. R may be a lot of things. But one thing he won't be is a child who slips through the cracks and struggles with his speech for the next year while I pretend everything is ok.

And that makes me feel like a good mom. Regardless of anything else.

bad call

I have a black tie event this Saturday where I am the guest speaker (very long story). I decided to dye my hair this weekend because I needed to get some grays covered.

I should preface this with a note that I always dye my own hair. I do a very VERY good job.

This time was no different.

Then I tried my hand at a new set of highlights. Something that didn't involve a cap and pulling out the hair -- something I haven't done before.

It looks a bit punky. I am so thrilled.

Oh and R's evaluation is today. I will update later.

patience

I have never had much patience. It is always something that I have known that I need to work on. There are times when I have a lot more then usual, but that is normally a result of one of the kids being sick.

I obviously still need to work on it.

It was clear today that I REALLY need to work on it when I finally broke and took a puzzle away from L that we were working on together. Maybe it was above his level. The age on it was 3-7 years. So it really could have been too hard for him.

I was trying to get him to work on doing the boarder. It is only a 25 piece puzzle, so the vast majority of the pieces had the smooth boarder edge, but L refused to pick up a single on of them. Then I tried doing it by color. Same result. It was more a factor of him not listening to me at all. You know -- being a typical almost 3 year old. I don't know why it was driving me mad, but he wasn't getting the puzzle at all and I finally needed to pack it up.

Maybe I should leave those things to B to do. I know once L has seen a puzzle he can do it over and over again with next to no help, but those are 8-12 piece puzzles (ones that I resurrected from my mom's attic).

After a bath, L and I sat back down and did another game -- this one matching -- and he was awesome at that. I guess maybe a Sunday night isn't the best time for me to teach him a new puzzle, so we will try again later in the week and hopefully Mommy can keep her cool this time.

farm girl in a farm town

When I moved back to my hometown, my coworkers at my old job joked that all I would be doing is representing farmers in cow and tractor disputes. I knew that wasn't going to be the case, but I was a bit concerned at how I was going to adjust from living outside Manhattan to living in a County with less then 100,000 people in it. I wouldn't doubt it if I was told that there were more cows then people here.

However, the one thing that has me floored is the total lack of farm activities for the kids. In NY we took the kids to a farm, had a hayride and picked out pumpkins. While it is still too early for the pumpkin, I have been looking for the hayride or something for the boys to celebrate this nice crisp weather and I am finding nothing at all.

At least now I understand why one of my co-workers, who also happens to tend a farm, was so anxious to talk to B about starting a fall festival of sorts. It is most certainly a need around here for families with small kids.

its only day 3

and I am already trying to figure out what the heck I can talk about... Especially since I am writing this before the debate because quite frankly, I have exactly one day to catch up on all the work that I need to get done this week -- 2 days out of the office in court and in depositions kills progress on pretty much anything else.

So lets see -- L and R apparently missed me yesterday. I have had a weeks worth of hugs and kisses from both of them tonight. L now tells me he loves me without any prompting at all. R shakes his head yes.

R now walks into his room and tries to climb in his crib by himself. L hasn't ever once tried to get out of his big boy bed (although that kind of backfires for us because that also means he won't get out to go potty, so he is still wearing a pull up at night).

Other than that I don't know what is new. I am going to have to start writing myself notes otherwise the next 29 days are going to take a while.

What would YOU like to hear me talk about?

Complaining about drs again

I don't think I ever followed up on this topic. I was thinking about it again this morning because I am finally getting around to reading Jenny McCarthy's book, Louder than Words. I liked Belly Laughs when I was pregnant, so I thought it would be nice to read about another mother's struggle with autism.

Of course I am still no the foreword since I get about 5 minutes to read in the morning while the kids eat breakfast. After those 5 minutes, the demands start hot and heavy and I am running around most of the morning. Apparently this morning the kids are hungry - I am on my third round of pancakes for them.

Anyways, the foreword is written my a doctor. Did you know that the "cause" of autism in the 50s and 60s, and likely before, was because the mom was cold and uncaring. Wow is all I have to say. Guess the "experts" knew what they were talking about back then, huh. For those of you who don't know me in person or haven't seen me with my kids -- while I complain about them at times, I am more likely to smother them with hugs and kisses then I am to ignore them. Even when I ignore a temper tantrum it only lasts as long as the temper tantrum lasts.

Regardless of all that, that smacks of stupidity anyways and it would be like someone saying it is because I work rather then stay home with the kids. I highly doubt that makes a shit bit of difference with my kids -- especially considering L was home with daddy for the first 8 months. I guess he isn't as loving? (I am laughing out loud about that because OMG B is WAY WAY more outwardly affectionate then even I am.)

The whole point of this... Doctors, in my opinion, rarely know what the hell they are talking about when it comes to psychological and behavioral things! I wish they could look back with the same skepticism that others have of them and think -- well in 1960 we "knew" X was the cause of autism and that turned out to be complete bullshit. My old pedi always talked to me because I was the decision maker in terms of "well recent research shows..."

But, the upside is that R did have his first pediatrician appointment outside of NY. Dr was nice. Didn't push for any shot to be done. Praised me for doing the early intervention referral already (actually said -- for language it is never too early) and sent us on our merry way.

Although I still miss Dr. B.

31 for 21

I did this last year and plan on doing it again this year. The idea is that I will blog for the next 31 days to bring awareness to the fact that October is Down Syndrome Awareness month. Now last year I did a little tidbit with each post about Down Syndrome. Things that most people don't know about it. However, with the recent media attention -- I don't know how much help that will be. I will try to start that next week, so give me time.

And for those of you that blog every day... hey -- why not do it for a cause for the month of October (yes, Katie... I am talking to you. I have a feeling with all the politics of the coming month you won't have a problem finding things to talk about! LOL).

Needless to say -- the entries will get better than this. Hope you enjoy hearing about my kids for the next month.

once an athlete

always an athlete?

So, this weekend -- for a little fun -- the family and I mixed it up and I did a triathlon in the morning before taking L off for swimming lessons. Poor R missed his, but I have plans to make it up to him.

Before you start thinking I am your hero or something (because you were thinking that, right), let me clear one thing up. I didn't do a triathlon. I was part of a team that did a triathlon. My part -- swim for all of about 7 minutes. My sister (older remember) ran for double that and my dad (yeah WAY older) did about an hour and twenty minutes on a bike in the torential rain otherwise known as 15.4 miles. Yeah -- my part was measured in yards still and everyone else was in miles -- plural.

If you can keep a secret -- it was kind of fun (you know having the easy leg and all makes me the best judge of the fun-ness level). This coming from a person who usually says "I swam competitively for 15 years -- I have done all the training I am ever going to do."

And in fact, I didn't do much training for this. I think I was in the water about 5 or 6 times in the last month -- previously being kept busy by something annoying and minor like the bar exam.

But I have a very bad feeling that these could be fun. Too bad I don't own a bike and I have no idea when I will have the time to train. But we do have plans to join a gym.

Oh and anyone have a clue how to get black sharpie off your skin? I think it will look weird to appear in court with a giant 32 on each leg!

You know... so the kids have a place to take swim lessons and all.

completing me

Have you ever gotten the feeling that your life just isn't complete?

Not the -- I want to have another child complete, but the there is something missing in my life. I have felt that way for a very long time.

Who knew that it was actually that I needed to drop something in my life. Losing that one thing has been a breath of fresh air. Things with B are better. I enjoy my time with the boys more - granted, they still make me nutty, but it is so much better. Life if fuller -- even as it has become more empty. I have time to do the fun things with the kids. Swimming lessons aren't shoved in last second, there is the time to do it and the time to do it "right" so I don't cram it in. There is the time to spend a leisurely night out with friends talking over dinner and drinks. There is the time to train for a triathlon.

There is the time to bring so much more in my life now that I have lost that one thing that I used to think was so very vitale to my existance.

After months of fretting about it and then finally pulling the plug on it I wasn't sure. But every day reminds me it was the best choice.

I so don't miss New York. And I really really don't miss my old job.

exhaustion

Apparently I am doing a good job at work.

Seeing the number of files on my desk, it appears that I am doing a REALLY good job.

The vast range of things I do on a single day is truly amazing. Looking at my calendar and seeing that I am triple booked at least once a week for the next 6 weeks isn't though.

Tomorrow I not only have R's 18m appointment, I have a writing assignment (work related, but not case related), and an actual work/case related brief due.

Oh and apparently, not only do I have work social functions, but now I actually have a social life too. I have something planned every single weekend from now until November. Thank god I found a babysitter because I think my parents might actually get sick of seeing my kids at this rate.

Yeah, this was a good move, but I certainly am looking forward to a slow day. Wonder when that will come.

well - that is interesting

So L... well he is 90% potty trained right.

Actually he is so good at it that he goes without even needing to tell us. The only time he really needs help is when he wants us to turn on a light. I don't let him wipe after he poops because he just can't do a good enough job and I am not letting poop sit on his bum.

However, we seem to have hit a problem.

He gets up in the middle of the night and pees on his bed or on the floor.

At first I thought he was sleepwalking of sorts. Then he tried to clean it up one time with wipes.

So - is this on purpose or is he doing it accidentally?

And how do I get him to stop. I mean he is still in pull ups over night, so I am not even asking him stay dry. I just don't want him to whip out his penis and pee some where other then the potty.

Tonight he didn't have anything to drink after 645. Lets hope that helps.

Oh and mom -- can I use that bissell??

A minor miracle

You will never believe what we found this weekend?

No, seriously -- you need to guess...

A babysitter! I know. Doesn't sound like a miracle? Well it is for us. Don't take that though as WE are picky and reject multiple babysitters. That isn't the case.

The fact is that we don't know any teenagers -- boy or girl. In NY it was 100 times worse because there are no teenage girls that want to work for a few dollars an hour. The running rate for one kid in NY is about $15. $20 for watching my two under 3. Do you know how much that adds to the bottom line?

So B and I rarely go out on dates unless our parents or neighbors could take the boys.

That has ended.

Stevie is our little angel. The boys are totally in love with her too and want to know when she is coming back.

Friday! That is the answer. Real babysitter (not grandparents). Real plans. Real soon!

Raw

It is hard to explain how I feel today. Angry and bitter come to mind. But mainly shocked and saddened. The best word I can think of is raw.

How has it already been 7 years?

I can remember the details of that day so clearly. Where I was when I found out about the first plane crash. Going to call my mom to tell her not to worry -- I wasn't at the WTC for a conference that day. I worked in finance at the time and had many conferences at Windows on the World. Telling her immediately that it wasn't an accident. Having her blow me off. Going back to my bosses office to watch the TV. Watching the second plane hit the building live. Walking down 17 flights of stairs to look out at the smoke billowing out of the buildings which even in midtown were visible. Watching the buildings come down. All the rumors of that day -- the number of planes missing. The number of planes crashed unclear. The panicked nature of everything. Not being able to leave the city because the trains heading out of town were closed down. Watching millions of people walking north from downtown. Listening to the absolute silence of that day. Being shocked by my boss's boss -- her disgust that someone would get on the train when it finally opened up bloody and dirty. Her jaw falling open when I pointed out -- it looks like she was downtown when the buildings came down -- that grey smoot all over her is building debris.

That may sound callous of her - it wasn't meant to be. It was all entirely too much to comprehend that day.

Then sitting in front of the TV for the next 3 days watching as it replayed over and over and over again.

September 11 marked a significant change in my life. It is hard to describe without going into too much detail that I am not ready to share, but in the months that followed my life turned to its bleakest and lowest point.

I had already met B by this point, but he was just a friend of a friend. When we first moved in together I found out what he was doing on Sept. 11, 2001 when I was going through his work papers -- he was at a farm conference. I asked him how he could have been at a conference on a day like that. He just didn't get that to me the world stood still on that day.

September 11. Seven years. Both a lifetime ago and the recent past. But never forgotten.

finally scheduled

On September 24 R will finally have his evaluation.

Thank God. Not a moment too soon. The drooling is getting worse by the second. We have him in a bib all day long and STILL his shirt ends up soaking wet. There are not lumps or bumps to suggest we are getting teeth either. Granted we still have the 2 year molars to come in, but since L's second set just arrived (unannounced by the way) last month, I don't think R's are quite ready yet.

However, thanks to the greatest school there ever was, he has started saying more words. Today was "brown bear" in reference to his favorite book. Which was also L's favorite book at 18 months -- too cute. Uh oh is also a common little phrase from his mouth, usually following him purposely throwing his fork on the floor.

So -- my guess is that he may in fact fail his evaluation - which is actually a good thing - but I also don't know how much I am hearing vs. what he is in fact saying. My ears hear him ask for a pretzel. Consider the kid doesn't really talk ... how unlikely would it be that that is one of his first words.

On Sept 18 I will see his new pedi. My goal is to have them recommend a tonsillectomy. I honestly think he needs it -- if you could see his teeny tiny little throat half closed with his honking tonsils, you would agree. But I know it isn't a favored surgery anymore. I think that in and of itself would solve his drooling problem. Lord knows it helped my niece on both the drooling and the talking front.

Oh and anyone know what to do with an extremely high pallete? Dude -- I think his is as high as mine is as an adult.

I am doing what I said I would never do...

I am writing a political entry.

I am a moderate leaning more to libertarian. However, I am doing what I never thought I would see. I am heartily supporting a pro-life choice.

You read that right... McCain/Palin are getting my vote.

Granted, I have been registered Republican since I was 18. I can't say that I ever really identified with either party. I split the ticket a lot of the time. For local candidates I rarely even look to political party because it doesn't really matter to me. Whoever is going to mesh best with my ideas is who I am voting for.

This election was different. I have a general distrust for both. As you all know B is from Chicago. I haven't met a person IRL who liked Obama or could name a single thing he did to make their lives better. There was one woman who was on a mommy message board with who loved him. We didn't see eye to eye on anything else, and everything she said seemed to come straight from his own website. If that is all I wanted I wouldn't have asked the question.

It has only gotten worse in the recent weeks. I am a news junkie. Love to read it, love to read the message boards, love to take it all it... Here are a few highlights I found this morning (the come from the Huffington Post and CNN -- not totally obscure places)

Lars

we shouldn't take pot shots at her obvious lack of parenting abilities? Please!Maybe is she spent more time Focusing on her own Family (pun intended) her daughter wouldn't be a pregnant teen. Every person, male or female, has the right to pursue a career. However, if you made the choice to bring 5 children into this world stay home and raise them! It's a spit in the face to every working parent who only wished they were financially capable of staying home with their children

Brian

Palin is a bigot (at best) who used her baby as a political tool at the RNC and should be ashamed of herself for doing so. If she actually read something, she would have know that the chances of having a downs syndrome baby in her mid-late 40's is extremely high and I think she was absolutely irresponsible for not taking steps to prevent getting pregnant at such an age in the first place. She absolutely disgusts me.

Oh REALLY?! Well consider the vast majority of mom's are WORKING mom, isn't that a kick in the balls. I guess Larsy boy here thinks that my ass should be sitting at home with the kids. Could we afford for me to... yeah, now that we live in PA we could. Of course we couldn't afford to send my kids to school or do anything else in the world for them, but yeah, we could. Guess I thought that was my CHOICE. I didn't realize having a uterus automatically forced me to be the stay at home parent. (of course Larsy boy here doesn't address the other side of the coin, which is of course ... Obama - greatest daddy in the world of course - has spent a grand total of like a month with his own kids in the last two years!!)

And Brian... so no one over 40 should have a kid? Really, even though the odds are still only in the teens that the child would have downs syndrome? The only thing that is disgusting is your obvious ignorance. Trig is a blessing, just like any other baby. I am blessed to have an downs syndrome child in my pseudo family (I have talked about O at length here). So what really is your point -- that she shouldn't have had a baby or she shouldn't have had a downs syndrome baby? Again though -- it was her CHOICE. Sorry Trig doesn't fit into YOUR definition of perfect ... he sure as shit does fall into my definition of it. And as for my friend whose daughter has DS... she was 29 when she had her. Doesn't that just burst your little bigot bubble. Pot. Kettle. Black.

For a party that is supposed to be all about CHOICE it is amazing how quickly one is jumped on for their choices. I didn't realize that choice was all about aborting a kid. Or staying home if we could afford it. Or doing any number of the rabid things put forth on message board recently.

And talking about choice... how can I support a pro-life candidate... Because I would rather one have to deal with the consequences of their own actions, myself included, rather than have our president pretend the world isn't as scary as it really it. Do the Republicans fear monger? Hmmm.. an Iran with nuclear arms and a Taliban that flaunts around in their victims uniforms... HELL no. You got knocked and don't want the kid... give it up for adoption. No one is talking about life of the mother issues here either, because even Palin supports abortions in that situation. McCain expands it further to include rape and incest. But is that really likely to change with a Democratic Congress in place... hell no!

As far as abstinence only education... why is that even an issue? I don't look to the schools to teach my kids this stuff and I sure as shit don't want a clinic handing out birth control to my nieces or condoms to my boys. If they need condoms and don't have the money, they will know all they need to do is ask me or B for $. I am not going to encourage them to have sex, just like my parents didn't, but they are sure as hell going to know that if they do they better fucking wrap it up no matter what! When NYC put a ban into effect forbidding formula samples from being given out free at hospitals there was a freaking uproar about taking away choice. No there wasn't. It's called making you fiscally responsible for your choice. You don't want to pay to feed your kid... breastfeed. It is free.

And as much as I am for a helping hand, I am not for long term hand outs and every "policy" of Obama is all about "the poor, the lowest income, ..." Lets just call it what it is... the lazy asses who don't even try. I have friends who have needed welfare for various reasons and I think it is amazing that there is such a program to help. You know what doesn't help... people earning more money for staying home and collecting welfare. Hell my one friend couldn't get help because she actually had a job. Couldn't really make ends meet with a total deadbeat daddy in the picture, but she busted her ass trying. That is totally ass end backwards!!! How about giving her a bonus for busting her ass and actually trying to do what is right. Personal responsibility is an amazing thing -- something seriously lacking in this country.

Obama ... this is one highly educated white woman who didn't fall for your hope and dream shit. Maybe put out a REAL plan with a way to pay for it rather then picking my pocket and we can talk. But hey... I am just a white woman. We all know you don't give a shit about me.