Thursday, September 13, 2007

B's Best Friend

How would you feel if your husband had another woman in his life?

A woman that wasn’t part of his family, but who held a sacred place in his heart?

A woman that he in fact had a “thing” for at one point in his life? (and yes, we are talking high school crush kinda thing)

You wouldn’t like it, right? Well strangely enough, B has such a person and OMG I think she is fabulous.

I should mention that BF reads this blog, so “HI” BF (everyone wave). We spent some time with her this weekend and she has been on my mind ever since and since I am always searching for blogging material…

B and BF have known each other since they were young. I believe B was about 11 when he started working on BF’s family farm and BF (and BF’s counsin) quickly led to his two first crushes. The cousin was out of the picture shortly, but BF was a constant presence in his life from that point onward. When B and I started dating, I knew there was someone out there named BF, but that is pretty much all I knew about her.

One of the first times I even had a twinge of jealousy was when I saw Dunkin Donuts stuff on B’s headboard. I asked when he got it and he said BF brought it over one morning and they had breakfast together. To say lightbulbs started going off is the under statement of the world (I should mention that B sleeps in the buff. Always has.). Anyways, shortly after that, I met BF.

I absolutely adore BF. Jealousy is gone.

While this may sound weird to anyone reading this, I love that B’s best friend is a woman (and trust me if you met any of B’s other friends, you would be thankful that this is the only one he kept from his former life). She is able to provide an insight into B that I would never have known about. B has diabetes. Juvenile diabetes. And he is still pretty much in denial about it (it has been 12 years -- long enough to come to terms with the diagnosis in my mind). B won’t talk about it. BF will and was able to provide me with insight into WHY B is so devastated by the diagnosis, other times when he has let it get out of control, etc. Some might think it is weird that I am ok with another woman telling me the ins and outs of my hubby, but you know what, I think it is more important for me to know it and less important how I come to know it. BF also has a little boy who is just a few months younger than L and who’s parenting philosophy is as close to mine as anyone else I have met. I think that has been a big factor keeping us all close and B loves the BF and I are close.

Now why am I thinking about BF so much recently -- well, as I told B while we were in Chicago this weekend -- the only reason I would move to Chicago is because of BF. B’s family wavers on how good they are to me and my boys, especially since we are the only family outside of IL, but BF never does. She talks to B regularly, talks to me regularly and bends over backwards to see us every single time we come into town. So I guess the question is -- is one person, or rather one family because BF’s husband couldn’t be more awesome either!, enough to propel a move. And not for nothing, if that is the only friend I have out there, will that be enough?

So my time with BF has thrown IL back into the mix and I started sending out my resume to all sorts of places in PA, VA and now IL again. Wish me luck. It is really overdue for us to be out of NY.


Jennie Thomason said...

I came across your blog via Cafe Mom (okay, I'm not a mom, but I'm trying to be, ha).

This post struck me because I'm actually very good friends with my husband's ex-girlfriend. Long story (perhaps I'll blog about it) and very few people think it's normal. It's not! But it's nice, nonetheless.

In response to your question, I think if you're moving for the right reasons (better support system for your family, great job opportunities, desire to live in another place, itch for adventure, etc.) you can't go wrong. Just as long as you're not only moving for another couple (or even a friend) because you never know what the future will bring and they could be taken out of the city just as quickly as you were brought into it.

Although I must say, moving is scary in and of itself. Having friends waiting for you with open arms must be a very comforting thought!

Alicia said...

I can totally commiserate with you on this one. Before DH moved to Indiana, he lived with two women. Normally I would be jealous as hell but for some reason, I knew they were good people and I never worried about them. When we finally met, I fell in love with both of them and they both ended up being bridesmaids in our wedding. I like to think they softened him up a bit before sending him out to me. :)

Your interview questions!

1. What is one thing you said you'd never do as a parent, but changed your opinion on once you actually had kids?

2. What inspired you to start blogging? Do you share your blog with friends and family? Why or why not?

3. You know you’ve done your job as a parent when your kids… (fill in the blank)

4. You have a career (something I don't have.. yet!) Are you glad you chose that path in life? What is the best thing about it?

5. And I'm recycling Sarah's question, because I just love it: Let's say there is a terrible accident and you die tonight. What embarrassing things will people find that you didn't have a chance to hide or destroy?