Ok, so it has been a few days and no, that isn't because of the plague that invaded the house last week, rather it is due to my recovering from the weekend. This is bound to be long, so go grab a coffee, soda, water, stiff drink -- whatever turns your crank and settle in for a bit.
This all started early last week. As I said before, my sister's husband -- BIL for future ease -- had not a kidney stone, but rather a kidney boulder. Turns out it was too big to pass and he needed something called lipotripsy to break it into smaller pieces. (for those who are thinking what the heck is that -- it is an ultrasonic wave that is sent into the kidney/ stone to break the stone into smaller pieces. Sometimes it breaks it into fine sand and the person gets to pee that all out and sometimes it doesn't do a thing to the stone. Lets not even discuss the later.) Blah blah blah -- I was on the phone discussing it all with my sister and the lipotripsy appt was just one more thing for my sister's already overbooked Monday. My sister and I got off the phone shortly after that with me thinking "sucks to be her. Wish I could help." It was only a few hours later (yeah, I am a little slow on the uptake these days) that I had the head slapping realization -- duh, I CAN help.
Let me take a little detour here to explain one thing. My sister -- she's a saint. Seriously! (and yes, she reads my blog, but this is not an asskissing my any stretch. I think I have enough brownie points for the foreseeable future). She is the person that knows everyone, is loved by everyone, but is also the person that is totally taken advantage of by, well, everyone -- me included, but I am allowed since she is family. Need something - ask the Saint. She usually has about 15 kids at her house, she is the one planning all the neighborhood get togethers, gets flowers for those that are sick/in the hospital/ just down in the dumps and she is the one that takes care of the pets for the neighbor on vacation, even though she is so allergic to most animals that just passing contact with a dog sets off a reaction which leads to an asthma attack. Suffice to say, she has bailed my sorry ass outta more situations then B or my parents will ever know about. She is the do-gooder. Me -- well I am the bitch. No worries though, because we are both more than happy with out "positions." At least, I think we are -- I know I am.
Now back to the weekend...
So, at some point it hits me. I am on maternity leave and have no obligations for the weekend or even Monday when BIL is having the boulder broken and my mom was laid up wiht the surgery on her foots, so I could visit her on my way to the Saints house. Long story short (I think the boat has left on keeping THIS short) I decided in my infinite wisdom to actually do something nice for my family. Oh -- and to drag my 7week old and toddler along with me.
Here was the plan--
1) leave at 6am on Sat and drive from NY to PA. L will sleep half the way, nurse R at the halfway point and get L breakfast. Arrive in PA at 10am. 2) hang with the parents on Sat and Sunday morning. Help out my mom and dad as much as possible, set up R's baptism, go to church with the boys, see my one best friend's parents, get chocolate for B and the one neighbor (seriously -- we have the BEST chocolate place in my home town!!!). 3) leave PA in the afternoon, drive 2 hrs to VA, no need to stop for food or nursings, have dinner with the Saint and family. 4) Monday -- still in VA, look at houses there because it is one of the areas we are talking about moving to, drag youngest niece along with me while BIL has the proceedure done, take oldest niece to gymnastics in the evening, pick up oldest niece while middle niece is at horseback riding, back to the Saint's house, have dinner, boys in the car for the drive home, L will sleep the whole way, R hopefully will. Arrive in NY at 2ish in the morning, nurse R, go to bed.
Here is what happened --
Got on the road like planned at 6am. L -- never went back to sleep. Whined and complained for a while, then started chirping at all big trucks we passed. Tried to stop for gas in NJ (because - hello they still pump it for you!!! After 3 attempts finally found a place to stop. L is pissed off again because there are no trucks.). Stopped at halfway point for breakfast. L threw most of the floor of the new car, R didn't want to wake up to nurse, ended up making it to my parents with out much of a problem. Patted myself on the back for being so well organized and the trip going so well. L now is about 3 hours short on sleep though and freaking out. Play a bit, try to feed him lunch (that went on the floor too -- which in my clean freak mom's house is a BIG BIG No-No), then nap time. Didn't want to nap, but eventually gave in after playing with a radio that I was sure was out of his reach. R and I ran some errands (previously mentioned chocolate and picked up some stuff for my mom). While I was running errands I noticed that my old elementary school was having their annual May Day, something I remember quite fondly from my days in elementary school. Kinda like a street fair, but more fun and a whole lot cheaper. PERFECT entertainment for my toddler who was in desperate need for a child friendly zone. So what did I do... I WOKE HIM UP EARLY FROM HIM NAP. Yes, I know. I have officially lost my damn mind, but I did it. So what did I end up with -- a super cranky toddler at my old elementary school with games that were far too old for him and next to no food vendors. WTF is that??? No visit to friend's parents house, no setting up the baptism, etc. So I was 1 for what 4 as of this point.
Unfortunately -- Saturday -- cranky toddler and all -- was the HIGHLIGHT of the trip.
Sunday dawned at about 7 when R started crying in the room where I was sleeping and I faintly heard L crying/talking too. L does NOT get up at 7, but lo and behold, there he was with my dad walking down the hall wide awake. Oh hell is all I can say. Seriously, this kid is so sleep deprived by this point that there is no hope for a happy day. Lets just stay L spent more time in timeouts then any 18m old should, but Mommy's patience was also totally shot by this point. I "planned" on leaving at about noon, which is L's normal nap time, but the kid passed out cold during one of his timeouts and I wasn't making the same mistake twice by waking him up -- oh, but this temper tantrum and passing out thing shot going to church, so make that 1 of 5 now. We did eventually get on the road at about 1 and of course L was then awake until the last freaking 10 seconds of the trip (really the last 20 minutes, but who is counting). When I finally got to the Saint's house, R was in complete freakout mode because it was past time for him to eat, L was sound asleep in the car and I had to pee more than anyone's bladder should hold. Pee, nurse R, search for the MLS listings for the realtor and then the shit really hit the fan.
I was putting R back in his car seat so I could get L and get R's swing when I heard what simply sounded like a huge cup of water hit the floor... only it wasn't water, didn't come from a cup and most certainly wasn't simple. My oldest niece puked. Now if you have read this blog for anytime you will know my family's penchent for getting the stomach flu. Oh hell ... not my family -- L! So there I stand 7w old in my arms, toddler who seems to like to puke in the car and what do I do... Oh I f-ing run for it thank you very much. It is barely 4 by this time and I haven't even been out of the car for 30 minutes, L has now napped a grand total of maybe 45 minutes in the car (and an hour at my parents house, so we are still super sleep deprived) and R is on the verge of hitting his fussy time where he wants to cluster feed and where I am... middle of freaking VA without a clue what to do. So I of course hit the outlets -- the Saint lives close and L is waking up and needing a snack... For the first time in my life I bought NOTHING at the outlets, but L ran around for about an hour, R hung in the baby bjorn and didn't scream like a mad fool and I waited for the Saint to call me back and tell me what was going on (I am praying food poisoning at this point, but alas... it was just wishful thinking). My mom is of course freaking out (she tends to do that) because I said I may just stay at a hotel for the night. Mom seems to think that my staying at a hotel with 2 small boys is an open invitation for the sick and twisted to find me. How that leap of thinking makes sense... yeah, no clue here either. Anyways, I do what any self-sufficent independent woman would do -- bundle my poor, sick of the car children back into the car and head home. My mom all the while is attempting to convince me to stay at my best-friends house 2 hours from my home, but which I will drive right past. This is of course because I have now be "exposed" and she doesn't want me to come back to her house, but I should drag my sorry ass to my 27w pregnant friend's house and infect her, her hubby and her 17m old daughter. Yeah -- W, you reading this crap... wonder WHY I didn't even CALL you when this all happened???? Also, no one seems to think that I should be driving. Apparently I look like shit because everyone was talking about how sleep deprived I was. Trust me... at this point, I am actually not sleep deprived. R is doing pretty well at sleeping at night and a block of even 3 hours seems like a lifetime. Needless to say, I ignored everyone and thought I will try to make it home, if I get too tired, I am checking into a hotel. I am not stupid and I sure as hell am not risking my kids. Oh -- N, thanks so much for the talk though, I have never been so happy to have you living 2 time zones away from me.
So, should you have been driving in VA, MD, PA, NJ or NY this past weekend and saw a minivan pulled over on the side of the road, that was probably me... nursing R, because of course he still wanted to be fed every 30 minutes like usual. L... well he went to bed an hour late that night too because until his poor eyes couldn't see the big trucks on the highway, he wanted to be awake. Poor kid slept until almost 10 the next day. Thank God for that though.
Guess what... that isn't even the worst part. The worst part is that the interstate in PA was CLOSED. YES, IT WAS FUCKING CLOSED (sorry -- f word is appropriate here). For 2 hours I sat in a traffic jam while the PA Dept of Transportation placed a beam across the interstate. And, but of course, during this time R HAD to be fed and L woke up and screamed bloody murder, and blah blah blah. 2 big giant thumbs up to the PA DOT. I would rather use another finger, but I am typing after all and there are only so many visuals one can create.
As I said before -- I got brownie points out the whazzo with the Saint. Oh, and it wasn't food poisoning because the middle niece got it too. So far so good though on our end, but I should go find a big tree and start knocking on wood for even thinking that!
Now, I have another post to write about why I am a playgroup drop out, but R has been kind enough to finally let me finish this one, so I am not pushing my luck.