The Fear

I have a new fear. It isn't something awful happening to B or L or R or even one of them getting sick. It may be selfish, but my current biggest fear is that I am going to lose "The Wife". Things have been working out just a little too well and I am scared to death to get comfortable with having her. The kids love her. My house is clean on a regular basis. I am happier than anything. You just know that this luck can't hold out.

My fear was multiplied yesterday when B (in his normal style) stayed at work late. I went rushing out of the office at 430 (way the hell early for my office, thank you very much) to get home to relieve The Wife. She was able to catch a 630 bus home, but as she was leaving I saw her stop at the end of our street and look back. Yes, she could be looking back to catch a last glimpse of the kids (L now has to go outside to wave goodbye to her -- see how much he loves her!!!) or - and this is wear the fear kicks in - to scornfully look at me for NOT offering to drive her at least halfway home. UUGH. The poor woman spends an hour on the bus getting here in the mornings and TWO hours getting home (her asshole husband is part of this problem, but that is their marital issues and not mine and I can't really discuss them here). So, 3 hours on a bus and 10 with my kids. You KNOW her ass is packing up and leaving soon! As soon as R stops being a cute cuddly newborn, she is going to pack her stuff and abandon us.

So, the fear kept me up last night. I alternatate between thinking -- she LOVES us. Called her family and told them what awesome employers we are, was so excited to be paid for a holiday (Memorial Day), was excited that we let her eat in the house (long story about this one, but her previous employer was a Jewish family that kept their house kosher. She is Catholic. See the problem there??) and on an on.

But her family is also looking to buy a house in CT which will make her commute even longer. So, what do I do. Just wait for the other shoe to drop? B knows that if she quits he has to stay home with the kids again. Until then, I thank my lucky starts for The Wife and silently pray that their house buying plans fall through or her husband stops being a ass.