another one with lots of excuses

In case you were wondering why I have been so lax at posting the last few weeks, let me just recap a few things for you.

I was offered (and accepted) a job in PA. It could very well be my dream job, but only time will tell on that. What it means in the short term is a whole lot of work. I am packing the house, getting it ready to sell and staging it -- when I say *I* I mean B and I, because let me tell you who was NOT on her hands and knees this weekend laying a new hardwood floor? or loading massive amounts of CRAP into a Pod?

Anyways, on top of the whole rush to get the house done, we have the little detail of the divorce. The Wife still doesn't even know we are moving, so that wasn't the prompting of the divorce. But it does make for an interesting dynamic now that she is begging for her job back and we are trying to decide the best course of action.

However, how does any of this affect (is it effect or affect? I will NEVER get that right) my blogging. Well, since I am currently providing the full time child care duties as well as performing my other job, I am trying to cram 28 hours of stuff into a 24 hour day. Sleep -- what is that and is it something I need?

As a result, I am sleep in such fitful bouts that I apparently am grinding my teeth to all oblivion and my jaw hurts so much that liquids are pretty much the only thing I can currently consume - yet another GREAT dieting technique.

So please excuse the sporadic posting. I am thinking of you all and get to the computer as much as possible.

getting divorced

Let me just put out there for all of those that FREAKED upon seeing the title -- B and I are fine. Sure, I am working on his nerves like I usually do and it is probably a little heightened because we are both extremely stressed, but we are not any where near discussing the big D.

It is The Wife.

After many months of ulcer inducing stress, The Wife and I decided to go our seperate ways. Of course this is about 5 weeks earlier than I had planned so I am doing the WAHM routine right now. Thank Goodness I finally came clean with my boss and he is lovely and wants to keep me so I have a few weeks to pull our crap together and replace The Wife or we will move to PA (I am thinking the latter, even though my boss is trying to convince me of the former).

Oh and I FINALLY told him all about the co-irker and how much I hate him and everyone else in the office hates him. It was refreshing to be able to speak my mind with the boss again.

hey guess what

packing SUCKS. Moving sucks. House hunting sucks. Staging a house to be sold sucks and finally selling a house in this market... that really sucks.

Needless to say, I am still living in the land of lists. Although I keep finding that my lists are growing rather then shrinking. I am not quite sure how that is happening because I know I am doing an awful lot, so ...

To add to that, B -- driving me bonkers. I gave him a list of houses to look through and a list of ones that I narrowed it down to. I think there were 28 or so on the list. Guess what he did. Looked thru 7 on my list and then ADDED 10 more. ADDED I tell you. From a list I asked him to narrow down. Apparently my opinion on where we live is a moot point to him.

I also have banned myself from message boards for a bit. Some one posted about a due process violation being a violation of the 1st Amendment. I pointed out that she had her Constitution wrong and of course she knows more than I do. (BTW -- it is the 5th or the 14th that she was really referring to) and then she threw out something about how can a states rights supercede the Bill of Rights. Again -- she needs some seriously schooling in Constitutional Law if she is going to try to make arguments like that, but, I realized I was getting more pissed than I should over some annoymous, apparently stupid, person, so I have put myself on a ban. I got enough going on, so it has been an easy ban to maintain.

Also, I haven't bought yarn in a week. I am so doing well! LOL B is both thrilled about that and not so thrilled (we have a tariff system every time I buy yarn and lets just say he gets VERY excited when he sees a yarn delivery). I also just packed up my vacuum box of yarn again. Although it has also spilled into another smaller box too. I have an addiction. Hopefully it quells with a lack of time when I start the new job.

Ok, back to box land. I am still offering payment to anyone who wants to pack up my house and stage it for me. Pod arrives tomorrow though so act quickly!

Virtual yard sale

I am cleaning out our house getting ready to sell and I keep coming across new or practically new things that I need to figure out what to do with. Some things were items I just had to have for L, but found totally useless for him and didn't even try with R. Think that fisher price aquarium crib toy or the kelty journey baby carrier.

Or it is clothing the B was gifted that has never fit his big toe, let alone his body. And it is nice, high end stuff (thanks to a family member that works for Ralph Lauren). Anyone interested in a hunter green with white stripe polo shirt by RL's Rugby line??

Or it is my leather ABS skirt that is about 2 sizes smaller then I will ever see again, but attended the Vogue Fashion Awards in style.

I have given The Wife about 10 picture frames that I refuse to pack and move and I am going to offer her the 102 purses that my ILs seem to think I need, unless of course anyone wants any of that stuff?

I just don't know what to do with it all. Ebay is about the only answer but who wants to take pictures of it all and upload. It won't be worth my time (or anyone elses, even though I am doing my best to convince N!).

So anyone out there want my "virtual yard sale" stuff??

Amazing that I can dress myself

some days I am thoroughly amazed at my own ability to dress myself, get ready for work and make it to work out come catastrophe.

How I do what I assume most people think is a "skilled" job is any ones guess.

It is 10am and I have already been told by at least 3 people that I am stupid for doing things a particular way -- even if they weren't talking directly to me but complaining about someone else doing it that way (its a message board thing and totally not directed at me, but I am taking it personally for some reason. I need to get over it -- I had an example here but don't want to make the person who said it feel bad -- and W, I am not talking about you).

I think I need a break from my life. I guess when I was packing over the last two days I have packed my sense of humor as well as my brain. Maybe I will find it at the end of our move.

blah blah blah blah blah

Seriously, I have a case of the blahs, not funnys and who the hell would care about that today. My life right now is lists.

My list of lists

• fixes I need to do to the house
• fixes B needs to do to the house
• people I need to call to list house, arrange showing of new house, people to stage old house
• addresses that I need to change
• houses that I want to look at
• new builders that I want to see
• people I need to tell we are moving -- boss ranks right up there on this one
• appointments scheduled so far in the future that I need to change
• packing supplies I need to pick up

I don't do lists. That is W's job. Too bad she can't supply me with a color coded spreadsheet of everything that I need to do and the order I need to do it in. She had one for her wedding. It really was a sight to behold.

Le sigh. Anyone wanna pack my house for me and stage it? I will pay you if you can provide me with an invoice!

Qtips, ears and the ER

the title pretty much says it all.

L took a shower with B, was trying to clean out his ears with qtips, just like daddy and we ended up in the ER. The series of events though was a bit more hair-raising and I think took about 5 years off my life.

The boys always take showers. We started showering both of them at an early age and it just works best for us. No hanging over a tub trying to wash them, no puddles on the floor, just a quick and to the point wash. I am sure it has a lot to do with the fact that we only have 1 full bath on the main floor and the full bath downstairs is a shower only, so we all share a bathroom.

After the shower, I join everyone in the bathroom to dry the boys and put lotion on them. L got out first last night for some reason -- he usually stays in the tub and cleans up all the toys -- and as I was drying him off, R decided he had had enough of waiting and threw himself over the lip of the tub and onto his head on the tile floor. He doesn't even have a bruise this morning as a result, but seeing him shimmy his way out in the matter of 2 or 3 seconds was scary.

I grabbed him and wrapped him in a towel and tried to comfort him (my scream scared the crap outta both boys) and while I was walking around with him, calming him down, B moved onto the next stage of the shower routine and was cleaning his ears with Qtips (I KNOW -- stupid thing to do, but that is a battle I refuse to pick with my hubby when it comes to HIS ears). L of course wanted to do what his daddy was doing and he got his 2 qtips too.

Well then the normal sequence of events changed. What NORMALLY happens is B takes L to his room and gets him dressed in PJs and I take R to his room and do the same. Last night, B's work phone rang and B went to our room to get it.

L went chasing after him.

With the qtips still in his ears.

And right into my leg where I was standing in the hall calming R. The Qtip was instantly jammed into his ear and he ripped at it to pull it out. The amount of blood that followed was surprising. I instantly put R down and grabbed for L and probably said something along the lines of THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO USE QTIPS in B's general direction -- although he was on the phone.

Some screaming from me for B to get his ass OFF the phone and come here RIGHT NOW insued.

Within 15 minutes, L and I were at the hospital and within a hour of that we found out that he didn't puncture his eardrum but took a gash out of the ear canal. There is blood coating the eardrum, so the dr thinks it is also scratched, but we won't be able to tell that until some of the blood clears.

Even after the cleaned the dried blood off his ear an hour later, it was still bleeding.

Oh-- and the kicker to this, because you know it has to be all about me -- I accepted a job offer while sitting in the waiting room of the ER. Not something you are likely to ever forget, huh?

holy crap

we are moving.

I got an offer at the PA firm and it was perfect and now my life has been turned upside down. Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap.

Sorry -- too many things to do in a short period of time. Off to make lists.

we have been busy

having fun

Asking too much

I belong to a cloth diapering message board. When I first started looking into cloth diapering R, I knew I needed some guidance. It really is amazing the varieties that are available and the little tricks of the trade that make CDing actually quite enjoyable for me (B likes it too just happens to HATE doing the swish and dunk with poopy diapers). However, on that board I feel quite "mainstream." I am against the norm there and really against the norm at most other message boards too. I don't fit into any ONE category of parenting. Well I guess I fit into the Smoo way of doing things that only B and I subscribe to.

Anyways, the point of this entry is to address something that was mentioned there. There was a funny and interesting thread about the most annoying things that are said on a message board and out of the almost 1000 responses, one person mentioned that she hated when people complain about nanny's/ cleaning help. Her response was "yeah, it is just so hard to find good help these days" with a large eye roll.

I am STILL pissed about it -- almost 6 weeks later.

I don't get it. Am I supposed to not care who watches my boys or it is that I should stop being so "selfish" and stay at home. Which is actually quite funny in my situation since my staying home would result in us NOT having a home. We can afford to have B stay home. B in fact DID stay home for the first 8 months of L life and guess what -- he was miserable, which in turn made me miserable (and resentful) and resulted in a very dark period in our marriage. So, I am not quite sure what these SAHM zealots would have me do? Move in with my MIL (who I love mind you) so I can be home, wasting my law school degree, paying on a six figure student loan while B worked a job he liked but didn't get paid crap so I could just BE AT HOME. I don't know. Never made much sense to me.

The reason this is probably still sticking in my mind is because The Wife. Yeah, we are getting divorced. The problem I am finding with MY wife is probably the same problem most men find with their wives -- they tend to have minds of their own. I tell her to do something and hit or miss she ignore it and does what SHE thinks it best. Too bad what she thinks is best is keeping R on a bottle until he is 2, ignoring L and making him resentful of her and R, still not changing R frequently enough, not taking the kids to the park even though the weather has changed and it is gorgeous and L asks repetitively to go outside, leaves early whenever she feels like it (for example she walked down to my office with L yesterday at 4 and told me she was leaving and then just left while I sat there with my jaw on the ground. Apparently she hasn't gotten the WORK from home part -- where I am actually WORKING and then tells me today she is leaving early for a drs appt. which one can only guess she at least knew about YESTERDAY and could have told me THEN). She also tends to break at lot (three vacuums in less than a year), has no respect for the kids toys or even attempts to keep them nice (lets R chew on L brand spanking new therapy flashcards!) and her cleaning... well lets just say dumping straight Lysol on my kitchen floor and swirling it around is not my idea of WASHING THE FLOOR.

It makes me sad because I know she loves R and will be heartbroken, but I have two kids and treating them this disproportionate is a deal breaker for me.

Now why does this have me still stewing about the message board comment... because apparently I can't complain about it. It isn't as simple as I don't like her and she is gone. She has been their caregiver for almost a year and the only caregiver outside of B and I that R knows. Even if I think I am making the right choice to let her go -- which trust me, I do! -- it is still a big change for the boys to deal with. Of course this leads us to the over arching issues of -- well why doesn't B stay home again. We have thrown the idea around and we very well may end up with that answer, but right now we are trying to figure out what is the best choice for our family.

And apparently, seeking guidance about that from a CDing message board is asking too much.

And a New Yorker, I shall be

B and I had a long talk this weekend about the job in PA (which I still haven't gotten official word from, but who I am pretty sure made an offer to someone else and therefore is just stringing me along right now) and what we are going to do and have come to the decision that now is not the time for us to move. Yes, we still live in a small house that still requires a lot of work AND a second floor. Yes, we still don't live anywhere near family and need to find a reliable babysitter. And Yes, co-irker still drives me buggy.

But you know what -- I have a job that I usually love, co-workers that are wonderful extensions of my family, a real chance to move up from my current position and I make a heck of a good living. And everything else -- The Wife making me crazy, B's boss being an idiot, etc can and will change. Even if we have to take the steps to change them.

I am not prepared to sell my house in the current market and I don't really want to rent it out either, so we will stay in NY for now, finish paying off debt, refinance our house so we can get the money to put the second floor on and maybe even have another kid in the next 2 years or so.

I am a New York, B is now a New Yorker too (he is even seeing his Mid-western traits slipping away and is no longer a total push over) and the boys will be New Yorkers. Maybe in 2 years or so, moving will be the right answer for us, but that time isn't now. Thank goodness too because I hate the job search.

Reasons why I am a complete crank today

Alternatively titles, why you should stay out of my way because I am a bitch on wheels.

• I am sick
• I have gotten two freaking calls on my pro-bono case THIS MORNING (it is still early right now) and I have pile of other work currently sitting on my desk that I am actually earning money on. Yet, I will have to backburner all that and actually return these calls.
• R had a bloody crusty nose this morning and his lip is swollen from a little L roughhousing. It is amazing how quickly it goes from giggles to screams in my house.
• The internet is wonky at my office -- and of course the pressing deadline I have requires internet access.
• Some extremely rude chick snapped at me at Starbucks this morning. Trust me honey -- are you are the ONLY person who ordered a 5 shot latte and yep they screwed up and called it a grande and not a venti, but a BLIND person could see it was in fact a venti and I am so sorry that I pointed it out to you and actually FORCED your rude ass to pause your Ipod. I means seriously -- how obnoxious of me to attempt to help you.
• The chick next to me on the train this morning smelled like a horse stable. Actually, lets amend that -- her BREATH smelled like a horse stable. That isn't the wake up call I was looking for.
• I am crampy, which doesn't help the body achiness either.
• I am back on a project with the co-irker and somehow a deadline that WAS April 11th became TODAY. Seriously, is it any wonder why I hate this man?
• Finally, the answer from the PA law firm has been pushed back YET AGAIN until tomorrow. Tomorrow people. Although I have ZERO faith that they will actually give me an answer tomorrow because their prior actions don't lend them any credibility for this deadline. I do NOT do well with not having a clue as to where my life is headed.

So, I am a bitch today. Excuse me if I snap your head off.

the coffee walk

I don't know if my brain just works weird, but I have been thinking about this the last two mornings.

Do you know there is actually a coffee walk? I don't know if it is a NYC thing or is because we have something like 100 Starbucks within 10 ft of my office, but every morning there are hundreds of us walking through Grand Central Terminal doing the coffee walk.

What is the the coffee walk? It is a strange way to hold your coffee, close to you body, but not too close, right near your heart, with your wrist cocked so the coffee is turned away from you. Does that make sense? The coffee cup is quite close to your shoulder and in line with your body, but not your front.

It makes total sense to me and I find I hold my coffee the same way. I think it has a lot to do with walking through massive crowds with a full cup of coffee. You want to keep it close to you because you inevitably get bumped around, but if you keep it too close you WILL wear it. However, why it is held UP, I have no idea. I do it, but I don't know why.

Talking about coffee, have I mentioned before that it is L's most favorite drink of all times? If you have a coffee mug in your hand, or a starbucks cup or a dunkin donuts cup or any plain coffee cup, he wants it. He knows when we are going to drive past a dunkin donuts and probably could order my detailed drink (venti no water vanilla soy chai). Whether that is a comment on my addiction or my parenting, I will leave up to you.